its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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