i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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