youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
