CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
