I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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