And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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