Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
