last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
