just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
