i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
