I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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