i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
