I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
