Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
