Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
