are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
