Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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