You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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