Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
