I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
