We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
