Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
