I want to stick my p in your. b.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
