If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Randomize
