this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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