They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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