Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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