she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
