WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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