You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
