my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
