my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
