so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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