i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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