a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
