Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
