guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
