I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
