K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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