whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
