Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
