The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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