Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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