She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I wish there were birth control emojis
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
