Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
