I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
