flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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