Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
