Why does Corona taste like a burp?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
