my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
