I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
